"Every December 24, on the anniversary of the passing of the Health Care Reform bill, the people of America were making their annual pilgrimage to Washington, in order to be accounted for and pay their taxes. But one year a child was born in a manger, because there was no room at the hospital, because the wait was so long and care was rationed (as were pregnancies, since babies leave a big carbon footprint.) The stars were visible that night, since lightbulbs were long deemed ecologically illegal. However, there was no shining star to guide the wise men, since there were no wise men remaining."
"But, as the child grows up, he starts to question the world, and the lack of money changers in the temple...he wonders why men scream in the middle of the night. And, upon maturity, on the night of the darkest night of the year, the winter solstice, the man goes into the forbidden forest, to seek his freedom, and discovers a hidden tunnel full of electric wonders from the Unmentionable Times...He takes those twinkling lights and hangs them on a tree...attracting the attention of the Golden One..."